February 28, 2016

Dear, (insert name)

I think that I was in love with you. At least as in love as somebody can be with a man who never gave a shit. I look back most days and try to pinpoint where it all went wrong. Did I make it to easy for you? Was I too willing to always try and make it work? Was I ever even enough? My mind is a fucked up mess because there are so many maybe's and what if's when all there should be is the closure that I so desperately need. All I ever wanted to do was love you. I was in it for the long haul. You said you weren't ready for a relationship so I compromised my beliefs and my morals to become what I thought you wanted me to be. I started saying things to try to get you to stay and became a person I didn't even recognize. Rule number one is to never let them change you. But I knew.. I knew you would never love me the way I needed you to but I gave you my all anyway. I thought that I could fix you and that I could make you fall in love with me. They say that it is alright to love someone who doesn't love you back, as long as they are worth you loving them. As long as they deserve it. In the moment I was sure that you were deserving of my love, but now looking back.. You were never even worth my time.

I will admit I had my faults but I truly stand behind that I only ever had good intentions. I just wanted to know you. I wanted to know your favorite color and all about your family, what makes you tick and your favorite subject in high school, I wanted to stay up with you until 3 am laughing about the stupidest things. I wanted to be your person.

I look back now and see all of the signs. I just excused your behavior as you being scared. Scared of falling for me. You never once told me I was pretty or beautiful. You never once asked me how my day went. You were only concerned that I was sexy as fuck and had a dirty mouth to go with it. You never asked about my family. You never cared.

I was too much and not enough for a man who was everything and nothing at all. You treated me terribly and for some reason I could never see that. But I want to thank you for that. I now know that I did not deserve that kind of treatment. It taught me to respect myself and to raise my standards.

I held on longer than I should've and now it is time to let you go. One day you are going to look back and realize that you should've fought for me and that I was worth it. You will search for me in another person, I promise. I am sorry that you never thought I was good enough, but don't worry, one day I will find someone who knows that I am.

I will never regret you, but sometimes I wish I had walked away at the start and left things at hello.

Sincerely,
Finally moved on